i tried to be chill

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 23:35:44 GMT

I had to buy some new work pants/trousers so I went to Ross and bought 2 pairs ... in a size smaller than I usually buy. I was in shock.

want

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 03:15:48 GMT

one shoulder top @ asos

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:27:44 GMT

You know those days when you’re lookin good and feelin good and everything is so good. And you’re thinkin - man, I really hope I see _____. I look so hot, they will totally regret doing this or doing that, they’ll want me, they’ll be kicking themselves, or whatever. And you know who you see? NO ONE. NOT ONE DAMN PERSON.

And then a day, like today, comes. You wake up late, your hair’s a bit messy. You’re dressed okay, but not jaw-dropping or anything. It’s just a blah day. Sometimes it’s an ugly day, but today was not an ugly day, it was just a blah day. AND WHO DO YOU SEE? That one damn person that you don’t want to see. The one person who you wish had saw you yesterday when you were look fine as hell.

I mean, REALLY?

That’s life. And sometimes I forget that life can be a real bitch.

Sat, 23 Jan 2010 20:02:54 GMT

Blah blah blah.
I know I never really write in this thing, but my life is a bit hectic.
I went out last night & looked cute, but I just felt like shit the whole night. It wasn't that I was looking bad, I was just feeling bad and it upsets me that I get myself so worked up over my looks, my weight, my skin, or whatever. Some days are harder than others.

Sun, 10 Jan 2010 20:23:13 GMT

I feel like this is the beginning of the end. Thinking about my future and how close it looms sends my stomach into some type of frenzied attack. I feel like I can't breathe, I feel nervous, panic. I don't even know. I'm just so...scared? I thought that my last semester of college would make me excited and jumpy, but now, I just want to stay in college forever, drink on weekdays, make stupid decisions because you're allowed to make stupid decisions when you're still a student. It's expected. This is the time you get it all out of your system, before, you know, actual adulthood, responsibility, whatever.

The people around me are getting engaged, married, happy, in love, and me? I'm here. Alone. On my own, panicking about what my future holds, my singular state and that frenzied feeling in my stomach.

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:06:33 GMT

frida kahlo to marty mcconnell | by marty mcconnell
leaving is not enough; you must
stay gone. train your heart
like a dog. change the locks
even on the house he’s never
visited. you lucky, lucky girl.
you have an apartment
just your size. a bathtub
full of tea. a heart the size
of Arizona, but not nearly
so arid. don’t wish away
your cracked past, your
crooked toes, your problems
are papier mache puppets
you made or bought because the vendor
at the market was so compelling you just
had to have them. you had to have him.
and you did. and now you pull down
the bridge between your houses,
you make him call before
he visits, you take a lover
for granted, you take
a lover who looks at you
like maybe you are magic. make
the first bottle you consume
in this place a relic. place it
on whatever altar you fashion
with a knife and five cranberries.
don’t lose too much weight.
stupid girls are always trying
to disappear as revenge. and you
are not stupid. you loved a man
with more hands than a parade
of beggars, and here you stand. heart
like a four-poster bed. heart like a canvas.
heart leaking something so strong
they can smell it in the street.

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 07:32:15 GMT

ohmygoodness, I need to go shopping! I really need to buy some nice, smart trousers for work. Thankfully, I still have another week of vacation until I have to go back to school..well, actually work, since my full-time internship starts the day I get back. I like dressing up and being comfortable, and I don't mind wearing dresses and skirts all the time, but it would be a bit impractical for teaching and all..

I went to a family bbq & then to see sherlock holmes wearing this (and a jacket), but still, obviously I don't know how to dress for the cold and I blame it on growing up in Florida, and all of a sudden it's freezing here..wtf!

& my new years dress :)

Hopefull some shopping tomorrow & who knows what else this week. Glad I still have a week of relaxation!

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:32:42 GMT

new boots that i got for christmas, woop.

random london pictures

I feel sick. I had delicious dinner & then a little snicker nutcracker. The nutcracker made my stomach hurt :(

I can't believe the year is almost over. I feel like next year is going to be insanity with me graduating college and finding a job and, I dunno, just starting life... a different life, in general.

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:59:46 GMT

JANUARY

1. I ring in the New Year by celebrating my Dayana's 1st birthday with my family. 2. Money problems domintate my though 3. Still hanging out with the 3pp & the italian is still flirting.4. Start teaching 1st grade at an elementary school with some of the sweetest, cutest students ever! 5. My suspiciouns are confirmed: The italian kisses me like I'm the last girl on earth. The most intense, fueled kiss i've experienced*.
[[*♥ this night started with an irish comedian and ended with intense kissing from a cute, cute, trouble-making italian boy.
♥ the next morning brought a vicious hangover, a day at the beach, and a lame-ass party]]
.

FEBRUARY
*
*

1. Lots of partying. 2. Spent Valentine's Day with Rachel since we were both single. 3. Jonesin for italian a little bit even if he is MIA, but still maintaing (my thought up) mantra: "it's fine, because what you don't see in me, someone else will. " Get massive enjoyment when I see him in passing & he openly checks me out 4. Abuelo passes away : [
[*[♥ This night consisted of joe peeing into solo cups D: , sillyness, beer pong, and ended with french toast from ihop and a waistress named kathyy with two y's.]]

MARCH

1. I spend my 21st birthday in Ybor City with Chelsea, Joe, Rachel & the entire city of Ybor helping in getting me hammered. I began the night with a ball & ended it with a concussion. 2. The girls take me to Howl @ the Moon for round 2 of birthday celebrationsand round 2 of getting hammered. 3. still wanting a boyfriend, more specifically the italian 4. School & money still stressing me out!

APRIL
1. I finish classes. 2. Nothing exciting happens in April... except for having sex with the italian. 2. I go out for a random night of drinking with chelsea, joe, stroop and accidentally tell them I had sex with italiano. SHOCKING. End up on stage at Mons.

MAY

1. I begin the month by celebrating Joe's 21st in Ybor where I got plastered, pissed that Veronica and italiano were flirting and got kicked out of a club for being a mess. 2. I get on a transatlantic plane to England & have a fabulous May in a fabulous faraway land of accents and drinking and fun. NEWCASTLE, LONDON, CAMBRIDGE & EDINBURGH were the best cities by far!

JUNE

1. Rosie's Sweet 16. 2. Start going to Crick's every Sunday with Hallie, Daphnie & Kathy. Dancing, drinking, karaoke, friend..what more could you ask for in life?

JULY

1. More Cricks fun! 2&3. Went to OPA Tavern & Howl @ the Moon for Chelsea's 21st! - Buckets of liquor, jager bombs & kamikazes ensued. Vicious hangover also ensued. 4,5&6 Improv show & 2-4-1's followed the next nights celebration. Poor decision making, followed by getting into th car with strangers resulted in walking home 5 miles at 3 a.m. & IT STILL GETS BETTER 7,8&9 What a wonderful night continuing to celebrate Chel's birthday. Hotel, delicous Italian Food, YBOR city, and then it all ended when someone tried to punch a guy, missed & punched me & chel instead. Happy Birthday. She walked away with a black eye, I walked away with my 2nd head injury! 10. SO OVER THAT ITALIANO.

AUGUST

1&2 Mexy has the cutest puppies on God's green earth. 3. Take the neph to the movies for his birthday♥ 4. GOODBYE ORLANDO, HELLO LAKELAND 5. Chel has a party & invites italiano who gets me drunk and acts like an ass & completely confirms my belief that i am soo over him.

SEPTEMBER

1. Crazy night in YBOR with lisa, chelsea, & lindsey. Good times :) 2. Start student teaching 4th grade & LOVE IT! 3. Pass all of my education exams! 4. See italiano occasionally & ignore him, which annoys him & makes me happy. 5. celebrated Kristen's 21st in a PINK HUMMBER LIMO. Fantastic. 6. joe & chel break up, which break my heart & is awkward because I love them both. 7. Busy, busy with school :/

OCTOBER

1. what feels like a massive influx in male attention 2. HALLOWEEN. The weekend before Halloweenie, I went to the O for some Halloween parties with Hallie, which ended up being crazy fun. Costumes were a hit, made out with a male luigi, went to a house party with legit bartender and VIP section. Got home at 7 a.m. 3. Chel had a haloween party..minnie mouse represent :) 4. The next night we went to Ybor's Guavaween which was fantasic fun! 5. Howl O' Scream! 6. SCHOOL STRESS

NOVEMBER

1. Nothing too exciting in the month of November. Dallas Bull for ZTA semi formal. I went with chel. Cute boy, drinks, and dancing was fun! 2. Leona's babyshower!

DECEMBER

1. finished the semester with 2 A's 2 B's and a P. 2. Went to my last undergrad class ever 3. took my last final exam as an undergrad ever! 4. And i'll be ringing in the new year at a friend's wedding.

This year was a crazy one, but the next should be even whackier considering I'll be graduating college, (hopefully) finding a job, going through massive life changes. blahblahblah.

adios, 2009.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 01:46:51 GMT

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 18:21:31 GMT

So, the other night I went out with a friend and some of her co-workers. I've met a couple of them on different occasions, so I kind of knew them. Anyway, while we were at the hookah bar, I'm not sure how we got on the topic, but one of the girls was talking about her best friend and how she had never been kissed. And she's says
"oh, she's never been kissed for a reason"
"why?' i ask.

I mean, I didn't have my first kiss until I was like 20, so I obviously don't think you're a total loser if you've never been kissed...and this girl is ike 19 or somehting, so chances are her friend is probably 18 or 19.

"because she's fat and ugly. and I mean fat, like bigger than me"
At this point I'm sure she saw the dumbfounded look on my face.
"you don't understand, she's really big,like bigger than me"

The girl i'm talking to is fat. I am fat. And here she is saying her "best friend" has never been kissed because she's really fat.

I'm obviously getting angrier and angrier by the second, and trying to control myself, because, honestly, I don't know this girl, she was a bit drunk, and she was a friend of my friend. Anyway, we argue about it for a few seconds and then I decide to drop it because I am never one to put a damper on a good night.

Besides, weight is a trigger for me. It always has been. And I really, really liked a guy at one time, who was the complete opposite of me, who also liked me, but I wasn' thin enough, or rich enough or whatever enough, so I obviously know that some people will judge you based on your weight - romantically and not. DUH. I'm not dumb.

But the way she said it was so awful, that I literally could have gotten up and socked her in the face! She was so demeaning, it was disgusting. And she was talking about her best friend. Of course, this probably played on my insecurities. What if my friends said this kind of stuff about me? What if they told other peope that I have never had a boyfriend because I'm fat and ugly?

Why is it such a crime for a girl to be single/not kissed/a virgin? It's not a crime if she's fat, of course, because there's a reason she's all of these things... SHE'S FAT, and fat people can't have significant other, can't kiss and definitely CANNOT HAVE SEX.

Honestly, anytime I tell people I have never had a boyfriend, their immediate reactions are as follows:
"what? are you serious?"
"but you're so nice/funny/cute/pretty/etc"
Why do people find the need to justify that I'm pretty/nice/funny/a good person just because I say I've always been single.

I MEAN, IF YOU'RE SINGLE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. Something has to be wrong with you if you have never been in a relationship. And if you're fat, that is what is wrong with you. And if you're fat and ugly, then you really shouldn't be surprised at all that you're single, never been kissed and a virgin.

Right, becuase that is the message I get when I hear people talking about single girls. Not single guys, just single girls. Especially, single, fat girls.

Anyway, this girl I was talking to is fat, but she has a boyfriend (who isn't fat), so this does not apply to her..duh!
I felt like *headdesk*ing myself right then & there.

--

Anyway, that was the other night and it was stupid and awkward and awful AND it was even more stupid, awkward and awful because I let it play on my insecurities and left me wondering why I was still single and what exactly it was that was wrong with me - the very questions I feel are unnecessary and stupid, but here I am, the past couple of nights, left wondering.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 03:20:56 GMT

I've gained like 5-7 pounds since the beginning of the semester which is really frustrating and annoying, so I've been trying to try to look half decent when getting dressed so I don't feel so awful!

Tomorrow is my last day of classes EVER, Personal Finance Final on Monday, Religion Final on Wednesday and then I start my internship on Jan. 11th.

..
But first, I must finish my Personal Finance Comprehensive Report that is due by tomorrow at 5pm. AH!

wiw for my last day of student teaching

wiwt meet my internship supervising teacher

wiwt a bachelorette party

wiw for the florida cold

wiw for class, work, blah

wiw last night for some drinks, hookah bar, and to take this pic at 4am, little bit tipsy

wiwt to work, group project, work on a final, dinner, blahhh

cambridge, england

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 03:21:51 GMT

cambridge university

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:48:44 GMT

alice + olivia wedges, payless, $34.99

Oxford Bootie, payless, $24.99

AE Ghillie Pump, payless, $24.99
>

white button up, old navy, $24.50 ; black pencil skirt, old navy, $25 ; black low rise skinny pants, old navy, $29.50

color block tiered skirt, old navy, $29.50 ; ruffled sateen top, old navy, $24.50; brown perfect khakis, old navy, $19.99

essentila wide leg trouser, old navy, $32.50 ; essential classic rise trouser, old navy, $32.50; printed square neck dress, old navy, $29.50

bootleg courderoy pants, ann taylor loft ; skinny knot pants, ann taylor loft

cascade ruffle top, ann taylor loft ; rosette blouse, ATL

tweed shift dress, ATL ; ruffle shimmer dress, ATL

tweed skirt, ATL ( I really like this style skirt, I feel like it's very flatterinng on my body type ; cotton jacket w ruffle trim, ATL

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:20:23 GMT

Tried this blazer on at old navy. perfect, need it.

i really want a trapper hat with fur like this one from target. LIke I really, really want it. If i had the $15 to spare, I would have bought it.

This is the first Saturday in a long time that I haven't had anything to do. I don't know if I like it.
Im so hungry but im too lazy to leave my room and get something. blah.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 18:01:01 GMT

OHMYGOSH, it's already November!

life is crazy and stupid and random, and I love, love love it!

The weekend before Halloween I went to Orlando & partied with my Halliebunnie. We were Mario & Luigi & it was quite a hit. We beat out sexy nurses and bunnies and cats for a Halloween Costume Contest at this house party, which was funny & cute.

We left that party (with cute boys AND Dallas Cowboys fans..mm) to goto another party that was pretentious as shit. I mean they had the upstairs of the house roped off for "VIP", a bartender they hired, and $10 cover (even for girls, wtf). But it was so fun. Good thing I didn't have to pay for $10, got to go into the (pretentious as shit) VIP for some jager, and then we ditched this party for the way more fun, smaller, apartment party.

I also made out with some guy dressed as Luigi, ironic & funny. Too bad he was sending me dirty text messages the rest of the night & day... :c(

I was Minnie Mouse the next weekend for actual Halloween. House party on Friday that was so much fun, especially since there was a cute guy there that I may or may not be interested in..well, am, I guess. I've been trying to find opportunites to hang out..

YBOR's GUAVAWEEN on Saturday was crazy and fun and amazing!!!!!

Can't wait for those pictures to get on facebook!

blahhh! CUTE BOY, come to me. We have a ton and a half mutual friends so I'm thinking that there will definitely be some future opportunites for us to hang out.... :0)

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 20:13:55 GMT

Isn't it funny how sometimes you forget how much you love something? Bookstores, for example. I love bookstores and reading and books and paper and ink. When life gets hectic, I forget how much reading really relaxes me and how much I actually enjoy reading. It's such a simple pleasure.

I went to Borders the other day. Here are some titles that caught my eye:

100 Places Every Woman Should Go, Greist
(a travelling book)
Baking Cakes in Kigali, Parkin
Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, Ford
The Art of Happiness in A Troubled World, Cutler
The Calligrapher's Daughter,
The House on Mango Street, Cisneros

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:47:22 GMT

WALES

I was very obviously enthralled by the Wales sunset. Gorgeous country.

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 02:03:27 GMT

I went to forever 21 today & bought 2 dresses & a top for $20. Um, hello, clearance rack! I wish I had the money to buy full priced items, but alas, I do not. So I shop the clearance section and try to avoid the full priced racks at all costs :(
Retail therapy isn't the same if you can't blow all your money!

mmmm, i just had taco bell for dinner.

want:

Guerrette ; Fawson ; Mickolick
@ Aldo

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 01:35:16 GMT

ahhhh, I THINK I'M GOING TO ROMA, ITALIA FOR MY SPRING BREAK IN MARCH. AHHHH!

BATH, ENGLAND

Adorable little cafe that was poppin.

Bed & Breakfast in Bath. Each room was themed, our room was the best.

I was attracted to this statue for some reason.

The actual Roman Baths. Ballin.

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 02:10:08 GMT

I like this picture.
Taken @ the Roman Baths in England.

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:56:33 GMT

i wish you were a strasnger I could disengage

If i'm not in class, i'm at work, or doing homework or studying, or trying to nap, or grabbing a bite to eat, or writing lesson plans, or trying to have a social life, or wondering wtf i'm doing with my life in general.

life is exhausting and time is exhausted because it's runnning from me so fast.

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 23:58:22 GMT

limegreenmodern.etsy.com

thebluedress.etsy.com

let them eat cake - marie antoinette inspired necklace < OMG I NEED THIS!
cosmicgirl.etsy.com

cosmicgirl.etsy.com

cosmicgirl.etsy.com

bidznbeez.etsy.com

bidznbeez.etsy.com

missashleylu.etsy.com

tinytokensdesigns.etsy.com

sayanythingjewelry.etsy.com

NewFashionedWhispers.etsy.com

NewFashionedWhispers.etsy.com

prettypeonies.etsy.com

seaunicorn.etsy.com

beadattic.etsy.com

cuteability.etsy.com

cuteability.etsy.com

one of my favorite quotes
cuteability.etsy.com

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:06:28 GMT

Oh, hey! That's the British Museum. It was so massive, and white, and gorgeous, and BRIGHT. I thought I had walked into heaven when I walked inside.

Oh yes my friends, that is a real-life preserved body from Anicent Egypt.

more mummy remains :)

Guess whose mummy that is? Why that is none other than CLEOPATRA!

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 23:02:33 GMT

things i've been wearing:

express dress that is so comfortable & cute, I could live in it. Wore this to class & work one day & to a house party over the weekend where I saw a certain someone who sooo wants me, but I am sooo ignoring because I don't want to play games w him. go me.

my view on the way to class. Another gorgeous, Florida day :)

i went to dinner w carly. we went to abuelos(OMG, delish) & caught up on her life changes. aka girl made a 360.
last time i saw her she was a redneck girl with a big ol truck & now she dates exclusively black men & listens to rap & bought 13 pairs of nikes.
btw, my face is naassssty in this picture, but idc!

ugly face/cute hair day

what i wore my first day of student teaching 4th grade. omg, love my class & my students. it's going to be a good semester :)
also wore this to class this week.

school spirit, go me. wore this to class & work :)

morning after, meh.

morning after ybor.

what i wore teaching yesterday & to work.

what i wore today to classsss all day

new dress :) :) dont mind my bootie slippers :o
it's drapey in the front & has pockets. woo.